Though I move on, I still reflect.

So what do you know? Junior year is officially over. I'm a senior-to-be. Scary.

When the school year comes to an end, I always reflect on that year as well as the years before that. Each year I realize the same thing: that I don't have a solid group of friends.

Don't get me wrong, I have amazing friends. It's just that all of these amazing friends are from different groups in the school. They are nothing like each other and they just don't really belong together. And there's another thing. While I may have awesome friends, these friends change from year to year. The people I was good friends with during freshmen year are now people I sometimes say hi to in the hallway. Quite strange, if you ask me.

This is Freshman year. I mostly hung out with people from my cluster class. My cluster consists of the people in the second picture (but that picture is actually from sophomore year.) My cluster was a pretty tight-knit group, probably due to the fact that we had almost every class together.

This is sophomore year. I hung out with Pauline a LOT that year and got really close to her. I continued hanging out with people from my cluster but we weren't as close anymore. We tried to organize reunions but at most, only half the people showed up--the ones that showed up are the ones I still somewhat talk to today. I met other people sophomore year but I was in too much of a depression to really hang out with anyone new. Sophomore year was blegh.

Junior year, oh boy. The relationships I have with people get less and less personal as the years go by, eh? It's fun hanging out with a bunch of people sometimes, but it gets tiring. I want more close relationships with people. When I hang out with people, I don't just want to hang out with them--I want to bond with them and learn more about them. But that never happens. It's just fun, fun, and more fun--which at the end isn't really all that fun.

I know this is normal--it probably happens to everyone. But most people end up with a close group of friends by the end of senior year. I don't think I will--I'm too skeptical about people as well as about myself. I don't know really know how to get close to people because I don't trust people enough to be myself around them. I find it hard to act like myself around people I just met (with the exception of some people, who make me feel right at home.)

I believe this is an issue of self-esteem and self-perception.

A lovely summer day accompanied by excitement & good news!

This morning I woke up to the annoying buzzing sound of my phone, as usual. I thought it was my alarm but it turns out Alan was trying to wake me up...because oh right, I told him to yesterday! I am horrible at waking up when I'm supposed to...

He told me that SAT scores were up on CollegeBoard. That's what finally got me out of bed, haha. I checked my scores and to my surprise, I didn't do so horribly! I scored a 750 on the US History Subject Test and a 640 on the Math Level 2 Subject Test.

Anyways, after eating a quick (and badly cooked) lunch, I ran to the train station and headed to Battery Park to meet up with Stephanie. I miss her! We picked a shady spot to sit down by and talked about random things for the longest time. We talked about the future, our parents, people in our school--practically everything. Being in Battery Park made me realize how much I want to live in that area when I'm older--it's so peaceful. Stephanie and I agreed that we will both have successful futures and hang out with each other in Battery Park years from now =)

These photos were taken with my Sony point & shoot camera...which malfunctioned afterwards. The screen started getting blurry; the camera did not know how to focus. The lens spazzed, zooming in and out. This wasn't the first time that this happened, actually. The same thing happened when I was at the movies with Stephanie a few months ago (hmm, do we see a pattern here?) Eventually, the camera just stopped working and had a black screen. That's why I couldn't take any other pictures the rest of the day :(

We left Battery Park and roamed around this plaza...I think it's the Two World Plaza or something like that. It's the one by the World Trade Center. We took pictures there too but they are all on Stephanie's camera. Maybe I'll post them up later if she posts them on Facebook. Then we decided to walk to Chinatown to grab some cheap food. I love how cheap Chinatown's bakeries are! We loitered there too.

I told Stephanie about the Key to the City and she got really excited about it. We decided to go to Times Square to get the key. The line was pretty damn long but it was well worth the wait! Stephanie has some pictures on her camera, I'll post them when I get them. But all I took on my cell phone was this:

I'm so excited to explore all these places! :D

To top it off, when I got home, I found out my Physics Regents score!
I can't believe I actually got a 90. I felt like I didn't learn anything this whole year!

Well, tomorrow is the last official day of classes.
A lot of people aren't going to school because finals are over, but I'm still going. I need to give in my recommendation letter brag sheets and I want to hang out with my friends. =)

Small luxuries by the sea

I went with my cousin Aimee and my uncle, along with some of my uncle's friends, to eat at a Japanese restaurant at the Nautical Mile. It's a cute little strip of restaurants and leisure centers perfect for people who own boats, who love seafood and live their lives roaming the sea. Of course, we were just a random little Asian group who just happened to know the owners of a particular Japanese restaurant.

But before we went, Aimee and I waited around at my uncle's place. The house smelled like incense, so we took pictures outside. Well, I took pictures outside. Aimee has a fashion blog, so I just took some random shots of her.

We sat outdoors at the restaurant, even though it was really hot today. Thankfully we had one of those gigantic patio umbrellas over our heads. The sushi was good--at least I thought it was. I can't really tell when sushi is "good," I just know when it's "bad." We also had fried calamari, edadame, some sort of fish I didn't like, and fried ice cream. Yum.

I had Genmaicha (Japanese roasted green tea) before, but I never had the iced version. I have to say that it tasted quite refreshing and pure on a hot summer day like this.

We spent almost 3 hours eating lunch there. I guess you can say it was like a linner, or a dunch. Whatever you want to call it. Today made me realize just how much I like being by the water (ignoring the fact that our surroundings had a fish-like stench). It made me think about what kind of life I wanted in the future. We saw all these families passing by us on their yachts and at that moment, I really wished that I could be one of those families. Maybe I don't have that kind of money now, but I really want to in the future.

While I was with Aimee in the car, we were talking about how lucky we were to be in America. China censors so many things; Chinese citizens are deprived of the freedoms that we often take for granted. I now know that I have the assets to build myself a bright future--I just need to stop slacking off, stop being so foolish and take advantage of what I have.

Updates.

For the past two weeks, I've been dedicating much of my time to helping out with the senior portraits. Not only does being in the yearbook class come with work, but it also comes with responsibilities. And as one of the editors, I think I have to be extra responsible, don't you think? The weird thing is, I don't mind it at all. It's funny because I haven't felt this passionate about a project in a while...

But it's fun :) I love hanging out with the yearbook kids. Sometimes Nerissa or Rajib bring their guitars and Nerissa serenades us with her beautiful voice. Oh, and we get to boss around the kids who are taking their portraits. Score!

This is me and Nerissa.

However, there's drama in yearbook class already. First of all, the two editor-in-chief's pretty much hate each other. And second of all, this girl messed up the guys' portraits because she made them skip their tux photos. Jason was going to lash out at everyone. I sort of wish he did, to just bring the tensions to an end, but then again...maybe it's not so necessary.

Throughout these few days, I also did random other stuff.

I went thrift shopping with Aimee the other day. This skirt is from F21 though.

We had a family father's day dinner!

Lisa, Aimee & I went to Coney Island beach yesterday.

Summer is off to a relaxing good start :)

Taking a chance, this could be different.

I know, I know. I have too many blogs. But this one is going to be a little different. I'm not saying that I will not write about sad things on this blog, but I will not drone on and on about them. I promise that I will touch upon those matters but I will not linger on them.

As of the beginning of this summer, I promise that I will not linger on anything or anyone. I will try my hardest not to be bitter, I will try my hardest to forgive everything and everyone.

I am starting to appreciate the little things in my life once more. It's good. I'm loving that feeling. But even though I want this feeling to last, I don't know if it will. So I guess this is what this blog is for. I want to jot down all my happy moments. I want to be detailed as possible. I want words and photographs to come to life on this page, revealing everything my heart has always wanted to say. I don't want to miss a thing.

This is more for me than it is for you :)